"I've Got a New Attitude!!!!" (you know you're hearing the song in your head now)

Did you ever have some bad news in your life and it just hits you hard? How about multiple accounts of bad news fairly close together?   Yea, that was me the last couple weeks.  It hit me hard and took the wind out of my sails. I was more than sad for a few weeks. It doesn't matter what the news was (no one died, no one is sick so don't worry there) but what matters is it mattered to me. It brought me to a point where I thought I might quit one of my most favorite hobbies of playing in the SCA.  That's when it occurred to me that somewhere along the line and over the last few years, I'd lost the fun playing in the SCA.  I was always worrying about working on my peerage track and about how accurate my clothing was, how I acted, what I did and said with my teachers that I forgot to do the most important thing - to have fun. I was over committing myself with projects that I never had time to make anything for myself or my family, including new garb for myself because I have lost some weight and my old garb is a bit loose.

I know, I can hear friends reading this saying "No shit, we have been telling you this for a while!", but it doesn't matter how many times friends say it if it doesn't truly sink in. My sadness was bad enough that I sat at my local shire's dancing event and NEVER EVEN DANCED ONCE!! What the f***!!  It was after that event and talking with one or two friends about how I was feeling that it finally caused it to sink in.  I want the fun back. I want the laughs back. I want the joy and inspiration that I use to be overflowing with back...the excitement to buy all the supplies to start a new projects back... So I have decided that I am going to get them back.  I don't know why it took this long for the realization to sink in but it did and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I feel lighter for it.  I have plans for garb with mad amounts of embroidery on them like an apron dress with grapes and ivy encircling the hemline.  A Viking coat for myself with firebirds on it! Embroidered under dresses....accuracy be damned!! Take all the pictures and not feel obligated to do things...but do them because I want to. I'm going to try new things in the SCA too like bardic arts and I have an interest in fencing. Heralding was fun the one or two times I tried it and I didn't barf from nerves so, why not! Maybe even get back into scribal arts (now that Kyle is old enough not to "help").  I probably sound like a raving idiot but  I finally feel like the cup is full again and I want to drink it all up!  

Maybe this doesn't make any sense to you, but trust me..this is all good and I feel fabulous now! I plan to be more focused on my own needs and wants..to put myself first instead of putting everyone else first as I have done for so many years.  That isn't to say I wont do things for others but the balance will sway a bit more towards myself than away from now on. I feel enlightened and good and determined to focus on fun from now on. This is a statement I had to say more for myself than for you but figured if you'd seen me lately and how I have been, you'd now have a sort of explanation. I apologize for how I have been of late. I promise you wont see me that way any more. 

Anyway, we now return you to our regularly scheduled crafting blog...soon to be listing lots of fun stuff!